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1. Clear Your Mind – Sit down and write what you’re thinking and feeling. If a negative thought tries to creep in, just take hold of it and replace it with a positive. What good can you find in this situation? How could your future look so much brighter with your baby if you just made a few changes in your life? Maybe this pregnancy is the best thing that could have ever happened to you. Maybe you would be an amazing mom and maybe you don’t have to do this alone. Think about what you have overcome in your past because you are strong! You can do this!

2. Go for a Walk – Sometimes in a crisis moment, we get tunnel vision. We can’t see anything around us except for the perceived problem that’s in front of us. It’s easy to overreact when we can’t see a way out of our situation easily. Taking a walk outside can do wonders for changing our perspectives! It will help you see that the world is a big place and that what you are going through might be part of a bigger plan for your life that you’ve never thought of before. It gives you an opportunity to reflect and make decisions that are not clouded by panic and fear.

3. Find a Support Group – We need each other! And you don’t have to walk this journey alone. Did you know that there are many women that have been in your situation before and they have chosen life and are thriving now? And did you know that there are women right now that are facing a similar situation as you and could use a friend like you? Going through something like this together can build bonds that last a lifetime! Find a support system like an Embrace Grace group in your community that will help and empower you because they believe in you!

There are Embrace Grace Support Groups around the nation for women experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, just go to EmbraceGrace.com to find a group near you!

Want to Know More?

Child Adoption

Healthy Start

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Federal Programs for Pregnant Women

There are several government organizations that offer assistance to pregnant women. Many of these services are funded by the federal government but you may have to apply through your state’s health department or agency first. Financial assistance for pregnant single mothers and others may be available through some of these sources as well.

Women, Infants, and Children Program

The Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants, and Children (WIC) program offers nutritional food and education. You can also get some screening services with referrals to other agencies as needed. Women are eligible for services throughout pregnancy and up to 6 months after birth or the end of the pregnancy. If you are breastfeeding, you may qualify for up to one year or for 6 months after birth if you are not breastfeeding.

The WIC program issues checks, electronic cards, or vouchers so that you can purchase specific foods to improve the nutrition of the recipients. Examples of these foods include infant formula and cereal, fruits, vegetables, eggs, cheese, peanut butter, and other healthy foods.

To be eligible for this assistance, your income must be at or below 185 percent of the U.S. Poverty Income Guidelines and meet other WIC eligibility requirements to qualify for the program. If you or other family members participate in another benefit programs like Medicaid, you will automatically be eligible for this service. Click here to apply.

Pregnancy Medicaid

Medicaid is a state-administered program that may allow you to obtain important heath services – especially during pregnancy. The general guidelines for eligibility for Medicaid are set by the Federal government; however, each state sets up their own specific requirements for eligibility and these can differ from state to state.

Temporary Assistance for Needy Families

The Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) program can also offer assistance to pregnant mothers if you are pregnant with no resources. TANF is federally funded but administered by the state; the goal is to provide temporary financial assistance at the same time while helping you find a job to better support yourself. The financial aid can be used to purchase food, clothing, housing, utilities, and medical supplies.

Low-income families with children and pregnant women who are in the last three months of pregnancy are typically able to receive these benefits. Each state has specific eligibility requirements like with Medicaid. In order to apply, you should contact the Medicaid office in your state.

Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP)

Previously known as the food stamp program, SNAP provides low-income and no-income families with debit cards to purchase groceries.  A household be be one person or a group of people who buy and make their food together. Eligibility requirements vary from state to state but you need to be close to the federal poverty line to qualify. Check  your state’s specific eligibility guidelines and services.

Affordable Housing

The U.S. Department of Health & Human Services operates the Maternity Group Homes for Pregnant and Parenting Youth (MGH) Program to support homeless pregnant and/or parenting young people, as well as their dependent children. Youth must be between the ages of 16 and 22 to enter the program.

The Housing Choice Voucher Program, also known as Section 8, helps low-income earners and their families with rental expenses. The program is managed by the Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) and has helped millions of low-income families keep a roof over their heads. Under Section 8 housing assistance program, if you qualify, HUD will directly pay a housing subsidy on behalf of your family to your landlord. You’ll then pay the difference between the subsidy and the total amount of rent due. The first step in the qualification process is to fill out a formal application.

Rent Help for Low-Income Rural Families

If you live in a rural community, the US Department of Agriculture (USDA) can help pay your rent if you’re experiencing housing problems. This assistance is a subsidy and is available through the Rural Development program. The USDA also provides housing assistance to the disabled and elderly, and many others. This is a special program that falls under the Section 8 housing assistance program, so the first step in the qualification process will be to apply online.

Free Health Care Programs

The Health Resources and Services Administration provides low-income families with free health care access in all 50 states. To see if your family qualifies, start by reviewing the guidelines. If you do, accessing medical care is as simple as locating a qualifying clinic. Once you arrive, you’ll fill out several forms prior to receiving the medical care you are seeking.

Dental Care

Many government and privately funded dental clinics offer their services for free. If you and your family qualify, you’ll have access to free basic dental care, including checkups, referrals, and medications. Look up a complete list of contacts in each state online.

Childcare Subsidies and Vouchers

The federal government provides grants and funding to states and local communities to help qualified low-income families access affordable day care services. To qualify, you must be employed, going to school, or enrolled in an approved job training program before taking advantage of the day care services offered under this program. Funding provided by the government only covers a portion of overall childcare expenses, however, which means you’ll still be responsible for the difference. To see if you qualify and to find a local participating facility, call 800-424-2246.

Other Helpful Financial Resources to Help Pregnant Women

Energy Bill Assistance

The Low Income Home Energy Assistance Program (LIHEAP) helps millions of families nationwide overcome this problem. To learn more, contact LIHEAP directly at 202-401-9351.

Religious Charities

There are a variety of religious organizations that may offer help to pregnant women. Since financial pressures and lack of support may contribute to the decision about abortion for some women, these groups seek to financially support women who may want assistance in carrying the pregnancy to term. They may supply clothing and baby items as well.

For example:

Pregnancy Resource Centers offer counseling, medical services and may be able to help you secure local financial resources in your community. Click to find the pregnancy centers near you.

Catholic Charities in many communities offers assistance to women with unplanned pregnancies. They provide pregnancy counseling and adoption services as well. You can check with the Catholic Charities in your area if you are in need of assistance with your pregnancy.

Adoption Agencies may offer financial assistance if you’re considering placing your baby for adoption. This assistance may come from the parents you choose for your baby.

Sources:

U.S. Housing and Urban Development

USDA Rural Development

Office of Community Services

Health Resources and Services Administration

Need Help Paying the Bills

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It is important to prepare yourself for their reactions. You may find those close to you are proud and impressed that you are making this pro-life choice for your child, or you may find they don’t understand. You will likely receive a variety of reactions from those you tell.

Who and When to Tell About Your Adoption Plan

Take time to think about who you want to tell and when. First, you probably want to tell the birth father, your family, and very close, personal friends. Then, prepare to tell coworkers and others who will ask about your pregnancy when you feel comfortable. You may want to rehearse some of these conversations and have your responses to their questions and comments ready.

Tips for Sharing

Stay Calm

When sharing your adoption plans with loved ones, be prepared to remain calm no matter what their initial reaction is. Remember, you’ve had time to think about your situation and adjust to your decision. Many times, people blurt out the first thing that pops in their head without thinking. Give them time to process the information and then ask them to listen to your reasons for choosing adoption.

If you think someone in your life, such as the birth father, will have a negative or violent reaction, do not share this news alone or in a situation where you or your baby can be harmed. Kayla had experienced some domestic violence situations with her boyfriend. When she found out she was pregnant, she knew she didn’t want to bring a baby into this situation. She was afraid to tell him, so she and her parents arranged to meet him in a very public place where she explained her adoption plans. He was angry but didn’t act on his anger because they were in this public setting and Kayla’s parents were present.

Use Adoption Language

It is important to use the right words when speaking about adoption. Avoid phrases such as “give your baby up.” You are lovingly placing your baby for adoption. You are creating an adoption plan. Words can be powerful. If you hear others using language that is hurtful, correct them and let them know that you are choosing to do the best thing for the future of your baby and yourself.

Focus on the Positive

Adoption is not an easy choice, and explaining your reasons for choosing adoption can be hard. Focus on the positive facts about why you have chosen adoption. You are placing your baby with a loving family that is ready and able to parent your child and provide a healthy home where they will thrive. You are giving yourself an opportunity to move forward with your hopes and dreams. You are also not saying goodbye forever. You can choose to receive updates and photos, and can have a relationship with the adoptive family.

Prepare Yourself

It can be hurtful when people ask questions such as “are you sure this is what you want to do?” or “how do you know you picked the right family?” You can feel like you have to defend your choice. Speaking with a professional or peer counselor can be very helpful at this time. They can lead you through the reactions you can expect from others and help you be prepared with your responses. You may want to do some role-playing to help you feel confident.

Have the Facts

Most people don’t know much about modern open adoption. This is a great time to share what you have learned about the adoption process. They probably don’t know that you can receive updates, pictures, and even visits with your child. They may not know that you are the one to choose the adoptive parents and can choose parents who have the values and lifestyle you are looking for in a family for your baby.

Stay Realistic

You will hear a lot of different opinions, be given a lot of different advice, and may even be given offers of help from family, friends, and even strangers. Do your own research, talk to counselors, and follow what your heart tells you is best for you and your baby. The other people giving advice are not going through what you are. Well-intentioned offers of help usually don’t come through or fade over time.

Remember, this is your life and your child that you are making long-term decisions for. Have faith that you’re making the right choices.

Our pregnancy educators are available to talk with you at 1-800-672-2296 or you can click the chat button. You can also contact Lifetime Adoption at 800- 923-6784.

Author: Heather Featherston is the Vice President of Lifetime Adoption and has been working with pregnant mothers for more than 20 years.

 Want to Know More?

• Choosing an Adoption Agency
• Financial Assistance for Adoption
• Adoption Options

The post Telling People About Your Adoption Plan appeared first on American Pregnancy Association.

The good news is there are resources, services, and support just for you. The first step is to begin care for your pregnancy and to seek help. Maybe you haven’t confirmed your pregnancy yet, but have missed a period or have questions about your symptoms.

Our toll-free teen pregnancy hotline, 1-800-672-2296, and chat button below are here just for you. Our pregnancy educators are ready to help you figure out you if you’re pregnant, help you get a free and confidential pregnancy test and offer you a safe place to talk about your pregnancy options.

Let’s look at what it is like being a pregnant teen, how to determine if you are pregnant, breaking the news to your boyfriend and parents (and tips on how to talk with them), making a choice for your pregnancy, resources available to you, and much more. We’ve included links to some of our other articles for more in-depth information.

Am I really pregnant?

Before you psych yourself out, the first thing you need to do (if you haven’t already) is to find out if you are pregnant or not. Don’t assume you are pregnant just because you missed your period. The only way to know is to take a pregnancy test. You’ll want to wait until seven day safter you miss your period to ensure an accurate result. You can purchase a urine test at your local pharmacy or retail store, or go to a local testing center for a free one. Blood tests must be done at a clinic or by your doctor. Visit our Pregnancy Symptoms or Pregnancy Tests pages for more information. Call or chat with us and we’ll help you find a free testing center. After you have a positive pregnancy test, your next step is to make sure the pregnancy is viable (possible to carry to term) and not an ectopic pregnancy or a probable miscarriage. You can do this with an ultrasound. Many of the free testing centers also offer free ultrasounds, or your doctor can perform one. If the pregnancy is viable, then you have some decisions to make (see below).

Sharing the News as a Pregnant Teen

Once you confirm the pregnancy, telling others that you are pregnant is probably going to be very difficult. However, it is crucial to do so because it is by telling people you can find support and get access to care. You can start by making a confidential toll-free call  or chat to our helpline. Our pregnancy educators have been the first person someone has told many times, so please don’t hesitate to talk to us. You may also find it helpful to speak with a confidential educator at a pregnancy center or through your school nurse or counseling office. As hard as it may be, you will need to plan on sharing the news with at least one of your parents. Because you are probably still living at home or still financially dependent on your parent(s), they will likely be the one(s) helping and supporting you in whatever decision you make for your pregnancy.

Talking to your parents

Most pregnant teens are scared to share the news with their family.  We have a few suggestions on breaking the news to your parent(s):

• Realize that this was probably not their plan for their teenage daughter; try not to be defensive about how you ended up in this situation. If you are humble and apologize for disobeying their rules/expectations, then you and your parents may be able to start with a cleaner slate.
• Your parent(s) are undoubtedly going to ask you who the father is, and they are going to want to know if he plans to help you care for a child. If you have a relationship with the baby’s father and would like to continue it, ask him what he thinks/how he feels so that you can have an answer for your parent(s), as well as for yourself.
• Most parents will consider a teen pregnancy irresponsible; so, show them that you are taking responsibility for your actions by coming up with a plan. These plans don’t have to be set in stone but make sure you have concrete ideas about prenatal care, how you will provide (jobs), if/how you plan to finish school, child care, where you will live, and the list goes on. This shows them that you are thinking ahead and behaving responsibly.
• Your parents may have an idea about what choice they think you should make for your pregnancy. Remember that ultimately, it is up to you. If you’ve already made your decision, let them know. However, don’t be afraid to discuss with them as to why you’ve chosen what you did (they are going to want to hear your reasons anyway).
• Your parent(s) may bring up some points that you had not thought about, so be prepared to LISTEN, too!
• Don’t roll your eyes, storm off, or tune them out! They have been through at least one pregnancy before (you) and undoubtedly have some helpful information and wise insights to share with you.
• Try not to set your expectations too high or too low. Not every “I’m pregnant” talk with parents is going to go well, and not all of them are going to go badly. Remember, you won’t know precisely how they’ll react until you break the news (even if you say that you’re sure of it). Some parents will be angry at first, but loosen up when it gets time for them to meet their grandson or granddaughter. Plus, they’re going to find out eventually because it’s quite challenging to hide in the second half of pregnancy. If you wait until then to tell them and get care, that can be dangerous for you and the baby.

As a first time pregnant teen, this will be the first time you have this talk with your parents.  More than likely, this is their first time to talk about teen pregnancy as well.

Talking to your boyfriend

As a newly confirmed pregnant teen, you might also be wondering how to talk to your boyfriend. It’s possible you’ve already been talking to him about the possibility, or you are going to take a test with him present. If you take one on your own, here are some suggestions on how to tell him. We’ve also included thoughts on how to talk about what you (and he) wish for the pregnancy. As a pregnant teen, this is probably your first pregnancy.  Remember, this is most likely his first time as well. Don’t forget to ask his opinion too – ultimately, the decision is yours, but the choice you make here could make or break your relationship. The baby does have half his DNA too!

• Try to break the news as calmly as possible in person and not over a phone call or text (if you are long-distance, then a video call might be a better option). If you aren’t sure of what his reaction will be, it might be helpful to have the conversation in a public place but make it a place that both of you feel comfortable.
• Many guys will face some denial about the situation initially. It might be a good idea to either bring the positive pregnancy test/results with you if you took one on your own, or to bring a new test and offer to take with him present. This way, he can see immediate proof.
• He may need a few minutes to process what you’re telling him. You can take this time to explain what you are thinking or feeling about the situation, or you can give him some time to think in silence.
• Don’t assume that he already knew that pregnancy was on the table – he might not have had any clue at all. Try not to hold this against him, as he might not have noticed anything different.
• Try to keep calm throughout the whole conversation. He’s the one getting hit with big news at this moment, he may not be as emotionally controlled. (That doesn’t excuse any bad behavior or attitude he might have, but it may explain some of it.)
• Don’t throw the blame all on him (unless intercourse was forced – in which case please talk to your parents and the police) – you both made the adult decision to have sex, and thus both of you are now facing the consequences. Try not to be defensive either, as that never helps a conversation go better.
• Try to be as clear as possible when you explain what you’re thinking or feeling about the pregnancy. What choice for the pregnancy are you leaning toward? Why? Have you told your parents? When did conception likely occur? Vagueness can lead to misunderstandings and then arguments, so avoid that if possible.
• Talking and decisions about the future of your relationship or the possibility of parenting together may not happen in this initial conversation. You both may be too full of emotion and shock to be able to make educated, long-term decisions at the moment. Don’t feel pressured to get all your plans finalized in this one conversation, and don’t pressure him to decide what he wants right away.
• If the situation escalates and you fear for your safety or for his safety, excuse yourself and take some time to calm down or to let him settle his emotions. Don’t leave without an explanation; let him know that you’d like to continue the conversation later when you both are at a better emotional level.

You are more than likely a pregnant teen for the first time, and the same goes for him as well. If your relationship has been around for a while and you both know each other’s parents, you may want to plan a family meeting after you initially share the news with your boyfriend. Ideally, you both would have already made a decision about the pregnancy and about your relationship (how it will continue or if it will not).

Pregnancy Decisions as a Pregnant Teen

It is quite possible that you are questioning what to do with this pregnancy. Will you carry the baby to term, consider adoption, or look at termination through an abortion procedure? The first thing to remember is that it is your pregnancy – no one should pressure you into anything. Whether it is a parent, friends, your boyfriend, or some other person/group, no one should make you feel that you have to make the decision they want you to make. The options are there whether anyone tells you about them or not. You may find someone who tells you that you are a horrible person if you abort, and that is not true. You may get someone else who tells you that it is only a blob of tissue, which isn’t true either, with the heart starting to beat by day 21. There have been studies showing that a majority of women who get abortions feel that they didn’t have enough information to make an informed choice for their pregnancy. It is important to know all the resources available to you – without being aware of these, you may falsely think that there is no help for someone in your position.

Embrace Grace is a judgement-free support group organization developed to help young people with unplanned pregnancies. There’s probably one near you.

Choice 1: Parenting

You’re young, might not have a job yet or have graduated from high school, but that does not mean that you have no chance as a parent. Parenting can be very challenging but also extremely rewarding. There are many successful teen moms whose children grow up happily and normally. There are a lot of programs that can help you get on your feet and provide for a child, such as Medicaid for prenatal care, WIC for help eating healthy and for baby formula/breastfeeding assistance, food stamps to help you keep food on the table, housing assistance to bring your living expenses down, and much more. Here are a few topics on parenting that you may find helpful:

• different types of parenting
• how to be a single parent
• things you need as you prepare for your due date

With parenting, you’ll have to speak to your boyfriend and your family about what this will look like. Will your boyfriend, help you raise the child, or will you have to pursue child support? Will you be able to stay with your parents or have to get your place? There’s a lot to think about when considering parenthood, but it is possible to sort through all these questions. Check out our Issues & Challenges article to learn more about the journey through pregnancy.

Choice 2: Adoption

There is also the option for adoption. Many teenagers feel that they cannot give a child the life they desire for them, and that is where adoption comes in. There are a lot of couples that are in a more stable time in life that are not able to parent children for one reason or another who desperately want a child. You could help make that a reality for these hopeful parents! Plus, the adoption agency or adopting family will typically cover the medical costs of your pregnancy. You have the option to keep in contact with the adoptive family, or to go through the adoption anonymously. Here are some other topics you might find useful:

• adoption in the eyes of the birth parent(s)
• questions to ask yourself when considering adoption
• different types of adoption
• financial help with adoption
• And much more here.

We also encourage you to sit down with an adoption agency or professional to get a better idea of what adoption might look like for you.

Choice 3: Abortion

Abortion is the process of terminating a pregnancy. Depending on the age of the baby, there are different procedures available to you through medical or surgical abortions. Many women who choose abortion do so because they do not feel like there is any other option for their pregnancy. We encourage you to never decide out of fear, or because you feel forced to because of your situation or people around you! Before you choose, learn more about the options and resources that are available.

Remember that if you are a minor, you may need your parents to sign off on an abortion procedure. Contact a teen pregnancy center in your area to find out more about the laws in your state.

Help for a Pregnant Teen

As we noted earlier, there are approximately 500,000 new pregnant teenagers every year, meaning there is a need for specialized care. You may not know it, but there are usually school programs for pregnant teens allowing you to finish school. There are maternity homes just for teenagers to have a special place to get away and receive care, especially if there are any problems at home.

Abortion used to be the number one option selected by teenagers, but more and more young women are discovering that they can overcome the odds and succeed, either as a parent or through adoption. It is not easy, but there is help, resources, and support specifically for pregnant teens. You have to start somewhere to find what is available to you! That is why we suggest visiting a pregnancy center, talking to your parents, or calling our helpline so that you have an idea of a good next step toward choosing your pregnancy, or so that you can get information about helpful resources.

Prevention and Statistics

Though teen pregnancy rates in the United States have steadily dropped since 1991 and are now at record lows (reaching a new record low each year since 2009), they are still higher than the rates in many other developed countries. The latest data from the CDC revealed an average of 22.3 births per 1000 females (age 15-19) in 2015. It is important to remember that this number does not include aborted babies and pregnancy losses, and thus, the pregnancy rate (vs. birth rate) is higher than 22.3/1000. Around 30% of teen pregnancies end in abortion. Some people have postulated that increased availability of abortions is to blame for fewer births from teen pregnancies, but the abortion rates have stayed relatively the same. Many researchers believe that access to birth control/contraception is the reason for this drop in teen pregnancies. Don’t want to be a pregnant teen?  Whether that means condoms, education about ovulation/fertility, or hormonal birth control, no method is 100% effective at preventing pregnancy and/or preventing the spread of sexually transmitted infections (STIs). The only entirely effective way to avoid pregnancy and diseases is to abstain from sexual intercourse and contact (abstinence).  For more information on birth control and natural family planning, please check out the topics below:

• Abstinence
• Natural family planning (NFP)/fertility awareness
• Male condoms and female condoms
• Withdrawal/”pull-out method”
• Spermicide
• Cervical cap and diaphragm
• Hormonal birth control:
  • pills
  • shot/injection
  • patch
  • ring
  • implant
  • intrauterine device (IUD)
• Non-hormonal copper IUD
• Emergency contraceptives/”morning after” pill

Hormonal birth control (including the morning after pill) works in three different ways:  (1) prevents ovulation/release of egg, (2) thickens cervical mucus, making it more difficult for sperm to travel through to reach an egg, and (3) makes implantation of a fertilized egg difficult by thinning the uterine lining. Ethical considerations mostly come into play with the third action – with the belief that life begins at conception, hormonal birth control technically could terminate a pregnancy in its earliest stages. So, as you make your choices about how to prevent pregnancy, consider these actions.

Want to Know More?

• Teen Pregnancy Challenges
•  Healthy Teen Pregnancy
•  Week-By-Week Pregnancy E-Newsletter.

Compiled using information from the following sources:

1. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC): NCHS Data Briefing “Continued Declines in Teen Births in the United States, 2015.”

https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/databriefs/db259.pdf

2. Guttmacher Institute: Teen Pregnancy (United States).

https://www.guttmacher.org/united-states/teens/teen-pregnancy

3. Guttmacher Institute: “U.S. Teen Pregnancy, Birth, and Abortion Rates Reach the Lowest Levels in Almost 4 Decades.”

https://www.guttmacher.org/news-release/2016/us-teen-pregnancy-birth-and-abortion-rates-reach-lowest-levels-almost-four-decades

The post Pregnant Teen appeared first on American Pregnancy Association.

1. What decision you and she will make for the pregnancy & developing baby (parenting, adoption, abortion)
2. Your relationship with your girlfriend
3. Your future

In this post, we’ll talk about how to respond after she tells you the news (or you find out together), how to approach decision-making, the details behind each decision, how to handle a pregnant girlfriend, what this might mean for your future, and how to talk to her parents. If your girlfriend is still in her teens, it may be helpful for her to read our teen pregnancy articles:  teen pregnancy, healthy teen pregnancy, and challenges of teen pregnancy.

The Decisions to Make When Your Girlfriend is Pregnant

Hopefully, if you and your girlfriend are sexually active, you’ve already had the conversation about what you would do if there was an unintended pregnancy. (If you’re reading this and you haven’t, you might want to put it on your list.) If not, here are a couple frequently asked questions to consider below.

As the boyfriend, do I have any say?

In this situation, ultimately the choice is up to your girlfriend as to what she chooses for the pregnancy. You can, of course, express your opinions and beliefs about the pregnancy and how you would or would not like to be involved, but you can NOT force her into any decision. If her parents are in the picture (especially if she’s under 18 years of age), they also cannot force her to make a specific decision. It is important to remember that if you decide you do not want to be involved, but she decides to parent the baby, you will likely be required to pay child support. This would be up to her to decide if she feels she needs financial help to raise the child.

What if we disagree?

This is bound to happen for some couples and seems to be more likely if (1) the relationship is fairly new, (2) one of you desires to have kids one day and the other adamantly does not, and/or (3) you have different moral beliefs about parenting, adoption, or abortion (i.e. one of you thinks adoption is “weird,” or one of you is pro-life and the other is pro-choice). There might also be disagreements over how the relationship will end up depending on the choice you make:  if you choose to parent, does one of you believe that marriage needs to come next? or if she has an abortion, will the relationship be okay and continue on (if you disagree)?

The important thing is that both of you are able to express your opinions calmly and clearly to each other. It might be helpful to have an unbiased mediator (a counselor, mentor, pregnancy educator at a center, etc.) sit with you while you have the discussion. Write down your thoughts and things you want to say beforehand so to ensure you are able to clearly express yourself.

Here’s one example of a situation where the two parties disagreed:

The couple has only been officially together for a few months, but is really excited about and invested in the relationship; then they find out that she’s pregnant. The girlfriend does not agree with abortion and believes that if she had one, she would regret it and have a hard time coping emotionally. She wants kids someday but does not feel that they are ready to parent (she’s still in school, he is trying to focus on his career and is not financially stable), and has considered adoption.

He wants kids someday but feels that right now is a bad time for them to start a family. He believes that abortion is the right choice for them. He has considered adoption but thinks that it would be odd having someone else raise their child and also does not think that she could emotionally handle adoption. She feels she would resent him if they decided for her to go through with an abortion and feels that she would not mentally recover well. He feels like he would resent her if she decided to have and parent the child. She doesn’t know if the relationship could stand an abortion, and he doesn’t feel their relationship could continue with parenting.

However, they both really desire to continue their relationship and see a future with each other. For the relationship to continue, it looks like they should look into the option of adoption. This is the type of thinking and consideration that must go into a decision. Their next step would be to (1) confirm the pregnancy with an ultrasound if they have not already done so, and then (2) visit one or more adoption agencies or adoption professionals and ask questions/find a good fit. (3)If both agree, they will move forward with the process, and if they do not agree, then they must go back to the drawing board, figure out a way to reconcile their differences, or to part ways and make their own decisions about the pregnancy.

Below we explore the three pregnancy choices: parenting, adoption, and abortion. While reading through, think about what might be best for (1) the developing baby, (2) your relationship with your girlfriend, (3) your girlfriend and her life plans, and (4) you and your life plans.

Your Three Options for an Unplanned Pregnancy

The three options for any pregnancy are parenting adoption or abortion. Before you make a decision for the pregnancy, have you confirmed the pregnancy with a lab-grade test and ultrasound? An ultrasound will determine if the pregnancy is viable (able to continue) and the age of the growing fetus. Contact a local pregnancy center for a free test, confidential counseling about your decision, and the option for a free ultrasound.

Parenting

More than likely, you were not planning on being a parent right at this moment. Parenting can be an immensely difficult but amazingly rewarding experience that will definitely change your life. If your girlfriend still lives with her parents and/or is financially dependent, you’ll need to have a conversation with her parents (and yours!) about how parenting would work. What would they expect, can she stay home, would they financially support her, etc. Here are a few questions to ask yourself as you’re considering your options:

• Did I want to have children (think in the future)? Do I like children? (Caveat: many parents say that they didn’t like kids, but they LOVE their own children and have grown in that area.)
• How will parenting work? Will my girlfriend and I stay together, get married, or go separate ways?
• Do I have a job that can pay to support my child either through direct parenting or child support?
• Where will my child grow up/where will he or she live?
• Will my parents or my girlfriend’s parents help us through the transition to parenthood?
• (If you are still in school) How will my girlfriend and I finish high school/college?
• Who will care for my child (childcare) and am I able to pay for it?
• Does my girlfriend have a job that can help support us and the baby?
• What influences do I want and NOT want for a child to be around? Would my lifestyle/girlfriend’s lifestyle/her parent’s or my parent’s lifestyle fit these desires?
  • Consider the type of punishment (spanking versus words), religious influence, drugs/alcohol, education opportunities, food/nutrition, foul language, etc. that you want for your child.

Here are some additional pages on the subject of parenting:

• Different types of parenting
• Things she’ll need as you both prepare for her due date

Resources to help you

Think you or your girlfriend are not prepared to be parents? Don’t worry, a lot of people feel that way (even people who planned to have a child!). Talk to your parents, hers, or other parents in your life that you trust for advice, the hardest parts and the most rewarding parts of parenting. Also, a lot of local community centers and pregnancy centers (places of worship as well, like churches) offer free parenting, pregnancy, and childbirth classes that can help prepare you. There are also a lot of places that offer material assistance for new parents, such as pregnancy centers, places of worship, food banks, and other donation centers. You don’t have to go through it all alone!

If you need, there are also a lot of government programs designed to help families in times of crisis to stay on their feet. Programs like Medicaid (for pregnancy & infants), Women Infants and Children (WIC), Food Stamps, Temporary [Financial] Assistance for Needy Families (TANF), and more. A local pregnancy center can help you collect resource information:

Adoption

Adoption can be a great middle-of-the-road option for many young couples. This allows you to continue your normal life after 9 months, to have the medical care and other expenses paid for, to avoid the option of abortion if you disagree with the choice, and to give the gift of life to a couple who may not be able to have a baby on their own. Many young couples choose the option of adoption because they don’t feel they could give a child the life they’d desire for him or her, but they still want the child to be able to have a good life. You’ll have a lot more choices through adoption than many people think. These days there exists many options:

• If you’d like, you get to choose the parents. This could mean sorting through adoptive parent applications or meeting possible parents in person.
• You get to choose if you see the baby after birth, or if the birth will be the last contact with the baby.
• You get to choose how involved (if at all) you are with the child and his/her adoptive family:
  • Closed Adoption:  Neither you nor the adoptive parents and child will receive any identifying information about the other. Check out our pros and cons lists.
  • Semi-open Adoption:  You will each know some identifying information about the other. Interactions between yourself and the child either remain through letters or chaperoned visits. Check out our pros and cons lists.
  • Open Adoption:  Each of you will know to identify information about the other. Interactions may be in person. The specifics of each open adoption will be discussed by the birth and adoptive parents. Check out our pros and cons lists.

For more information on what the adoption process looks like for birth parents, please visit our Adoption Process page, or call a local or national adoption agency for free information. (American Adoptions is available to answer questions at 1-800-236-7846, or feel free to call our helpline at 1-800-672-2296 to discuss your pregnancy options with a Pregnancy Educator.)

Abortion

Abortion is another option for an unplanned pregnancy. This means the termination of a pregnancy by choice. Most states in the USA have legalized abortion up to 20 weeks, or a bit further to the point of viability. The point of viability will be determined by a doctor, may differ among pregnancies, and is usually between 24-28 weeks. This means that is when a baby could survive (with assistance) outside the womb. There are two types of abortion and depend on the age of the fetus:  medical and surgical. Many women or couples who choose abortion do so because they do not feel like there is any other option for the pregnancy. We encourage you & your girlfriend to never make a decision out of fear, or because you feel forced to because of your situation or people around you! Before you choose, learn more about the options and resources that are available. For more information on abortion and the different procedures and the associated risks, check out these different topics about abortion:

• Different abortion procedures
• Follow-up care after an abortion
• Possible physical side effects
• Possible emotional side effects
• And more here.

Remember that if your girlfriend is a minor (under 18), she may need her parents to sign off on an abortion procedure. Contact a teen pregnancy center in your area to find out more about the laws in your state. You’ll also need to have an ultrasound performed to find out how far along she is, as this determines the type of abortion procedure available to you.

Your Relationship

In any relationship, there are defining moments where each person makes a choice of whether they wish to continue with the other person or part ways. An unplanned pregnancy can definitely be one of those moments. The things that usually split couples up is when their decision for the pregnancy does not match, or one person realizes they would be excited to have a child, while the other realizes they don’t want to have children. The strength of your relationship will definitely be tested; but, like all relationships, it takes work to maintain.

If you wish to continue the relationship with your girlfriend, you’ll have to come to an agreement in regards to the pregnancy that both of you can morally and emotionally deal with. That means neither person can force the other to make a specific decision because this puts tension on a relationship. It is, of course, easier to find a choice you both agree on if you have similar morals to which you hold (which is important for a relationship in general!). This is a big part of why we suggest that couples who are sexually active have a conversation about what the plan would be if there were an unplanned pregnancy. Would you choose adoption? Would you be willing to raise a child together, or get married? Would you seek an abortion (and if so, do you know what that looks like)? As the relationship continues, make sure to reevaluate your choice. Dating at three months versus two years can mean very different desires for unintended pregnancy.

Talking to Her Parents (and Yours)

We’re not going to lie to you, these conversations are not going to be easy, especially if you’re still living with your parents and/or are financially dependent on them. Come up with some type of plan before you tell them. Have you both reached a decision on the pregnancy? There are more questions to ask yourself and plans to set in place after you choose which way you will go.

Parenting

Here are some of the many questions to consider:

• Where will you live? Will you live together?
• What will your relationship look like:  do you plan to get married? end the romantic relationship but both parent?
• How will you pay bills?
• What insurance will she be on for the pregnancy?
• Will you both have jobs/how will you provide?
• What would childcare look like?
• Would you both finish/continue your education?

Adoption

Here are some questions to ask yourselves:

• What adoption agency do you wish to use?
• How do they pay for medical care?
• How will you choose the parents?
• What type of adoption do you want:  closed, semi-open, or open?
• Why are you choosing adoption? (Your parents will want to know)
• How much school or class would she miss (if still in school)?

Abortion

Here are some important things to think about:

• How far along is she?
• What type of procedure would be available?
• What are the reasons you are choosing abortion? (Your parents will want to know)
• Are you aware of the risks and the actual procedure involved?
• How are you going to pay for the abortion?
• Where do you plan to get the abortion performed?
• Does abortion agree with your parents (and your) morals/beliefs?

After you have an idea of a plan for the pregnancy, you will be more prepared to have this conversation. If you have a plan, at least you will be acting responsibly in a not-so-perfect situation. Another thing to remember is that it will likely be quite a shock to her parents and your parents. They may react with a lot of anger, disappointment, or be ashamed. The important thing is to try to act calmly, humbly, and to NOT be defensive. You both did something to cause this pregnancy, and so it is best to own up and not try to blame anyone but yourselves. If you are angry and yell back at your parents or her parents, it is just going to escalate the situation and make things more tense and worse at the end.

Living Life with a Pregnant Girlfriend

Whether you choose adoption or parenting, these 9 months are going to bring a lot of changes. Your relationship may be tested, but remember that it is a complex and beautiful process going on inside your girlfriend’s belly! This might mean passing on a blessing to another family or bringing home a little bundle of joy. Hang on to that end goal, and don’t forget that your girlfriend is giving a lot of her body to make this happen. Have fun with each other – take her on dates, make sure that bump on her belly hasn’t changed how you feel about her (unless it has for the better!). A lot of your world right now might revolve around the pregnancy and preparation, but don’t forget that your girlfriend is still there and needs love and support, too. If you and your girlfriend do not plan to continue the relationship, or if tensions are high, figure out ways that you can support and help her from a distance.

Emotional and Physical Changes

Here are some things that might affect how your girlfriend acts or feels and that you’ll want to prepare for:

• Mood swings – her hormones may be bouncing all over the place and making it hard to make her happy. Try to roll with the punches and find ways you can talk and connect with her that help her stay calm and steady.
• Nausea, vomiting (maybe), and food aversions – going out for a “quick bite” might not be so easy. Pizza and burgers may give her heartburn, or the smell of your tuna-salad sandwich might send her gagging to the bathroom. Make a list for yourself of what she can eat or drink. If she’s nauseated, have some dry crackers, ginger cookies, or lemon drops on hand to help ease nausea. If even the thought of tacos makes her gag, don’t suggest them.
• Headaches, backaches, and cramping – her hormones may cause some of these symptoms, along with the gained weight from the baby. Sometimes early in pregnancy, mothers will stop drinking caffeine (for pregnancy health) and may experience some withdrawal headaches.
• Growing belly & breasts – obviously, pregnancy will mean weight gain and often includes breast tissue growth. She’s going to look different, but don’t forget that a lot of women struggle with body image during pregnancy. Encourage her!
• Fatigue – many women deal with a lack of energy and a heightened desire to sleep during pregnancy. This might mean date nights are cut short or that you see her less often because she needs to rest. Fatigue is normal during pregnancy!
• Ante- and Postpartum depression – not all women will deal with this, but some women will have symptoms of depression during or after a pregnancy. This can be a serious problem, and if you have any concerns, the Maternal Mental Health program offers a free, 24-hour helpline for information & services at 1-800-662-HELP (2457), or call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). It is important to let her doctor know about your concerns.

Schedule/Lifestyle Changes

There are some extra activities you may participate in with her during the pregnancy:

• Doctor’s appointments –  these may include ultrasounds, blood draws, information, gynecological exams, among other things. Support her during these times, and ask her what she wants from you during an appointment. Does she want you to let her talk? Does she want you to help remember what questions she’d like to ask?
• Frequent trips to the bathroom – pregnancy weight/direct pressure and hormones can cause a very active bladder. This might mean keeping your eye out for the closest bathroom if you’re out together.
• Baby shower – you might be asked to help with a baby shower or asked to attend.
• The birth – if you are on good terms and plan to continue the relationship past the pregnancy, this is something you should consider attending. If you’ve gone through childbirth classes with her, you’ll know that it is important to have someone to help guide and care for her during this difficult process. Hold her hand, give her ice chips, and be a good support person!
• Shopping for baby items – if you plan to parent the child, there are many items you’ll want to have ready to go before the birth. She may request your help in obtaining these items. This might include car seats, diapers, wipes, bottles, formula (if not breastfeeding), a highchair, stroller, bassinet, pack N play, crib, and much more.

Pregnancy might mean a lot of changes, but try not to let that get to you. There are new dads groups and counseling available if you are choosing adoption. There is help out there to guide you through the process so that you can support your girlfriend well!

• Embrace Grace has wonderful support groups for both partners. Find a group near you.

Want to Know  More?

• Am I Pregnant, or is it Something Else?
• Pregnancy Symptoms – Early Signs of Pregnancy
• Medicaid for Pregnant Women
• Benefits of Adoption

Compiled using information from the following sources:

1. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: The Effectiveness of Contraceptive Methods.

2. National Child and Maternal Health Education Program: Mom’s Mental Health Matters.

The post Is My Girlfriend Pregnant? appeared first on American Pregnancy Association.

Types of Parenting

Getting Married

Some couples choose to get married after the discovery of an unplanned pregnancy. This option may prove to be a positive one for many couples.
Here are a few questions to ask yourself:

• How long have you been dating?
• How well do you know each other?
• Have you already been thinking about marriage?

Most couples are encouraged not to get married merely for the “sake of the baby.” Marriage has enough challenges even when entering into it for all the right reasons.
If you are in a positive, solid relationship, the parenting option might make the most sense since it involves two people committed to meeting the needs of the baby.
Since marriage often fails to solve problems, it is recommended to seek premarital counseling to help you with your decision.

Joint Parenting or Joint Custody

This option can make sense if both parties are interested in having the baby. You may recognize that the timing is not right for marriage.
Both parties are committed to meeting the needs of the child and are willing to accept additional challenges such as adjusting schedules, possible extra commuting, and a greater need for communication.

Single Parenting / Visitation

This can make sense if one of you is fully committed to the baby. It presents more challenges since most of the parenting responsibilities will fall on one person. Child support is still important in order to make it easier to meet the child’s needs. This parenting option can also present challenges with scheduling and commuting.

Single Parenting

Single parenting is usually chosen by an individual who wants the baby but whose partner has abandoned the relationship and does not desire to be a part of the baby’s life. In most cases, child support should still be expected and legally required.

If the absent parent is disinterested, it can make collecting child support more difficult. This option is the most challenging because it places most of the parenting responsibilities on your shoulders. In such cases, friends and family often become the best and most reliable source of support.

More Helpful Articles:

• Parenting Preparation Checklist
• Benefits of Adoption
• Financial Assistance for Adoption

The post Types of Parenting appeared first on American Pregnancy Association.

This is your life. If you feel pressure from family, friends, or the father of the baby to have an abortion, just stand strong. No one can force you into a decision and you owe it to yourself to get all the facts without having extreme emotions sway your choice. Fear can trick you into making a decision that you might regret later and make you believe you can’t have this baby or can’t place this baby for adoption but you are stronger than you think!  

I have many friends that have also blazed the same trail me and you have with an unintended pregnancy. One of my good friends Destiny once posted this and I love it so much … 

“See, you don’t realize how temporary the ‘crisis’ is when it’s consuming your every waking moment, but as soon as you get beyond that … Such beauty can be born from that which we never planned. Fear is temporary, but the courage you gain facing it lasts forever. Panic subsides, but the strength you find in the midst of the crisis endures. Perhaps the most amazing thing though is how the love you feel for this new life, whether it was intended or not, suddenly turns a ‘mistake’ into a miracle. I didn’t save my son by ‘choosing life.’ He saved me.”

I always say that I raised a kid but my kid raised me too. God knew exactly what I needed in my life, even when I didn’t realize it. My son saved me too, just like Destiny. He gave me a purpose and his sweet face inspired me to dream again. Life might seem that there are obstacles in your way right now to achieve your goals but just know that sometimes God gives us an unexpected opportunity that will empower us to dream bigger, live louder, and love more boldly. 

Sister, you are not alone! There are other girls going through similar struggles but we were not born to live isolated and alone. We need community! Join an Embrace Grace Support Group in your area for young women with unexpected pregnancies. Just go to www.embracegrace.com to find a group near you! 

The post The Embrace Grace Community appeared first on American Pregnancy Association.