{"id":582,"date":"2020-04-25T20:54:43","date_gmt":"2020-04-26T02:54:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/americanpregnancy.org\/?p=582"},"modified":"2022-02-11T15:35:25","modified_gmt":"2022-02-11T21:35:25","slug":"miscarriage-surviving-emotionally","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/americanpregnancy.org\/getting-pregnant\/pregnancy-loss\/miscarriage-surviving-emotionally\/","title":{"rendered":"After a Miscarriage: Surviving Emotionally"},"content":{"rendered":"
First of all, we are so sorry that you’ve experienced a loss that has brought you to this page. We and so many women in similar situations all over the world grieve with you and want to remind you that no matter how you feel<\/em>, the truth is that this is not<\/em> your fault. It’s important to take time after a miscarriage to heal not only physically but emotionally too.<\/p>\n Experiencing a pregnancy loss<\/a>\u00a0means that you are probably feeling\u00a0more sadness than you ever thought possible. Having a miscarriage can be very difficult. The emotional impact usually takes longer\u00a0to heal than physical recovery does. Allowing yourself to grieve<\/strong> the\u00a0loss can help you come to accept it over time.<\/p>\n Women may experience a roller coaster of emotions such as numbness,\u00a0disbelief, anger, guilt, sadness, depression<\/a>, and difficulty concentrating. Even if the pregnancy ended very early, the sense of bonding between\u00a0a mother and her baby can be strong. The hormonal changes that occur after\u00a0miscarriage may intensify these symptoms.<\/p>\n The grieving process involves three steps:<\/strong><\/p>\n “This really isn’t happening;\u00a0I’ve been taking good care of myself.” “Maybe the doctors are wrong…maybe I’m still pregnant.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n We’re not going to lie to you, it’s going to be a difficult thing to accept. Talk with your doctor about what this might look like physically for you. When will your hormone levels return to normal? How long might you still have symptoms for? This may give you more guidance into\u00a0what to expect, and talking about practicals surrounding the situation may feel cold, but it may give you more to grasp at as you try to understand what this means for you.<\/p>\n “Why me? If I would\u00a0have…” “I’ve always wanted a baby so bad, this isn’t fair!” “I feel sadness in my life now more than ever.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n You may feel angry – angry at your doctor, your partner, yourself, God, your situation…you name it. Maybe you think the doctors could have done more, or you’re angry that your partner isn’t consoling you in just the right way, or that he’s not as torn up about it as you are. If you have strong spiritual beliefs, you may yell at God or be angry that “He let this happen.”<\/p>\n But most of the time, you’re angry at yourself. You might even feel guilt and question if it was your fault as if you could have done more. The incredibly important thing we want you to know is that with miscarriage, it’s not your fault. As hard as it is to hear, it is a natural occurrence, and even if you were doing all the right things, it may still happen anyway.<\/p>\n When something goes wrong, we all stretch to find someone, something to blame. With miscarriage, there’s not really anyone or thing to blame, and it leaves us grasping for some way to make sense of what happened, leaving misplaced anger and guilt. And as you’re experiencing all these confusing emotions, all of this can lead to depression.<\/p>\n The one thing we can tell you is to get help. Talk about what’s going on with your partner, a trusted friend, a counselor, or a spiritual leader or mentor. If you’re not ready to talk, write it down. If you’re angry, write a letter and get it out of your system. Listen to some music, cry in the shower, go for a long walk with your dog (if you have one). Find some way to experience these strong feelings but in a safe way.<\/p>\n “I have to deal with it, I’m\u00a0not the only one who has experienced this. Other women have made it\u00a0through this, maybe I should get some help.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n This is what this expected roller coaster of emotions has led to this is real, isn’t it? This is really happening.<\/em> Once you get to this point, you are ready to look this in the eye and figure out how to live with your loss. Acceptance doesn’t mean that you’re okay with what happened, that you’re not still experiencing a million emotions – it simply means that you confirm in your mind that this is real.<\/p>\n That doesn’t mean it’s easy from this point on, it just means that you know and understand what you’re dealing with. This is the time that a lot of women and their significant others are able to seek counseling or support groups, or are able to open up about their experiences.<\/p>\n Each step takes longer to go through than the previous one. There\u00a0are unexpected and sometimes anticipated triggers that lead to setbacks. Examples of potential triggers include\u00a0baby showers, birth experience\u00a0stories, new babies, OB\/GYN office visits, nursing mothers, thoughtless\u00a0comments, holidays, and family reunions.<\/p>\n Respect your needs and limitations as you work through your grief\u00a0and begin to heal. Generally, women are more expressive about their loss and more likely\u00a0to seek support from others. Men may be more action-oriented, tending to\u00a0gather facts and problem solving, and therefore often do not choose to participate\u00a0in support networks that consist of sharing feelings. This does not\u00a0mean he is not grieving. Often men bury themselves in work when they\u00a0are grieving.<\/p>\n Parents experience different levels of bonding with a baby. The bond\u00a0between a pregnant woman and the baby growing inside her is unique. \u00a0A woman can begin bonding from the moment she has a positive pregnancy\u00a0test. Bonding for the father may start as he experiences physical\u00a0signs of the baby, such as seeing an ultrasound<\/a> picture or feeling\u00a0the baby kick.<\/p>\n However, especially for men, real bonding may not develop until after the\u00a0baby is born. This is why men may seem less affected when the loss\u00a0of the baby occurs early in pregnancy. These differences may cause\u00a0strain in your relationship as you try to come to terms with the loss.<\/p>\n Healing doesn’t mean forgetting or making memories insignificant. Healing means refocusing. Helpful Websites and Books:<\/strong><\/p>\n Compiled using information from the following sources:<\/p>\nWhat are emotions I might feel after a miscarriage?<\/h2>\n
\nSome women even experience physical\u00a0symptoms from their emotional distress. These symptoms include:<\/p>\n\n
What should I expect\u00a0After a Miscarriage?<\/h3>\n
Step 1: Shock\/Denial<\/h3>\n
Step 2: Anger\/Guilt\/Depression<\/h3>\n
Step 3: Acceptance<\/h3>\n
How can I survive my pregnancy loss?<\/h3>\n
\nAs you work through this difficult time:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n
How Women and Men Grieve Differently:<\/h3>\n
After a Miscarriage, You can help your relationship to survive by:<\/b><\/h3>\n
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Understanding Your Healing Rights:<\/h3>\n
\nYou have the right to:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n
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